The Phrases shared by My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - taking a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."