Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's top hosts used their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the new program that allows foreign nationals to buy U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. An official website pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to affluent immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.